STUFF & NONSENSE

WOBBLY BOB by Christopher Llewelyn

This is the story of a greyhound called Bob,
who’s my bestest friend, and the world’s bestest dog.

One day, walking home, I found Bob by a tree,
with a sign round his neck saying, ‘Take me… I’m free.’
Tucked into his collar I spotted a note,
that someone who was a bit mean must have wrote…

This greyhound is useless… I warn you my friend,
he sways down the straights and falls at each bend.
There’s no chance of him ever winning a race,
he’s clumsy and stupid, a big waste of space.
(Oh… and his name’s Bob).

I looked down at Bob, and said “I’ll be your friend,”
“Who cares if you’re clumsy, and fall at each bend?”
With the note in my pocket we walked down the street…
Bob swayed to one side, and tripped over his feet.

When I finally got home with my new dog in tow,
mum and dad shook their heads, and said to me, “No!”
I showed them the sign and the note about Bob,
and could tell by dad’s face he felt sad for the dog.

I begged and I begged, “Can’t we keep him, mum please?”
But mum just kept looking at Bob’s shaky knees.
Mum rolled her eyes, then sighed, and conceded,
but said that a trip to the vet would be needed.

After his check-up it all became clear,
Bob had a problem with his inner-ear.
The vet did more tests, then sadly declared,
the trouble with Bob could not be repaired.

Learning why Bob swayed and staggered so much,
Mum seemed to soften, but only a touch…
“The dog gets one chance, but that’s all that he’ll get.”
“You’ll need to control your wobbly pet.”

But Bob’s a big dog, and very unstable,
in no time at all he’d upended a table…
Then he lurched down the hallway scaring the cat,
tripped over a rug and knocked my mum flat.

“That’s it!” shouted mum… and I begged for a pardon,
I asked whether Bob could live out in the garden.
With her hands on her hips, mum nodded, okay…
and dad built a kennel, and Bob got to stay.

Then one stormy night, the world started to shake
“Take cover!” yelled dad. “It must be an earthquake!”
I rolled onto the floor and under the bed,
and lay there afraid with my hands on my head.

By now the earthquake had twisted the floors,
buckled the house, and popped open the doors.
The house started to creak, and some cracks opened wide,
and dad thought that we would be safer outside.

He picked up a torch and jumped to his feet,
but the floor moved so much he collapsed in a heap.
Feeling quite queasy dad used the torchlight,
To check out his leg… and it didn’t look right.

Unable to move, dad shouted, “Stay Calm!”
When a rock steady greyhound grabbed hold of his arm.
Un-Wobbly Bob pulled him into the clear,
then ran back inside, without any fear.

Still hidden away, I laid there in dread,
and was suddenly joined by Un-Wobbly Bob’s head.
Scrambling free, I jumped onto Bob’s back,
just as the bedroom wall started to crack.

Bob went back again and dragged out my mum,
her eyes tightly closed, while she sucked on her thumb.
Bob even returned to save our cat, Jet,
who he found in the toilet bowl, shaking and wet.

With us all in the garden, now safe and sound,
the chimney fell off and crashed to the ground.
Then the rumbling stopped and we stood in the rain,
and Un-Wobbly Bob became wobbly again.

We had a big hug, with Bob in the middle,
and my mum asked a question… a bit of a riddle.
“Why is it that during each aftershock,”
“Wobbly Bob turns as solid as rock?”

Dad came up with the best explanation,
and said a big word, like ‘sink-row-nice-say-shun’.
“Bob and the ground must be shaking in time,”
“While we’re falling over, Bob’s world appears fine.”

Next day as we slowly patched up the disaster,
and dad hobbled round with his left leg in plaster,
Bob lay in his kennel with a nice piece of steak,
the hero who’d saved us from the earthquake.

And that is the story of a greyhound called Bob,
who’s my bestest friend, and the world’s bestest dog.

 

Picture of Boy with Bear

Where to Hoo bwb

 

THE SILVER MOON by Christopher Llewelyn

For millions of years, in the inky night sky,
a silver full moon gazed down from on high.
Each night it would rise above tranquil seas,
lighting the mountains, the meadows and trees.

The people below used the soft pearly light,
to tend to their crops late into the night.
Content with their place, they looked up at the moon,
a kindly old face on a silver doubloon.

But not every person found peace in the night,
some yearned to possess this strange satellite.
Gazing through telescopes, longing to reach,
across the black sea, to the silvery beach.

After decades of planning, and nights with no sleep,
a powerful nation made that one giant leap.
The first to arrive on that heavenly shore,
they knelt amongst wealth never witnessed before.

Beneath the moon-dust, that had thickened with time,
they discovered the source of the beautiful shine…
On this lunar New World their flag flew alone,
a globe of pure silver they’d claimed for their own.

Soon rockets and spaceships raced to and fro,
carrying with them a secret cargo.
On the moon’s darker side, a project took shape,
with gigantic contraptions to shovel and scrape.

The first of the mines could not be seen,
but more silver was taken with each new machine.
Slice after slice was stripped from the moon’s pole,
and the project at last had a visible toll.

The top of the moon had vanished from sight,
and the people below saw a dip in its light.
Questions were raised as to what had gone wrong,
with the heavenly body beloved for so long.

The nation to profit dismissed the complaining,
and came up with words like waxing and waning.
Distance and angles were used to resolve,
why the top of the moon had appeared to dissolve.

The protests that followed fell onto deaf ears,
with gibbous the next novel word to appear.
The people were told to enjoy what they had,
a moon over half full wasn’t really that bad.

But driven by money, and powered by greed,
the mining continued with ever more speed…
and the moon quickly moved through a half to a third;
the nights ever darker, people’s voices not heard.

Across the night sky more galleons floated,
their hulls packed with silver, swollen and bloated…
drifting away from the scarred lunar mine,
carrying with them the moon’s lustrous shine.

The hungry steel beasts continued their work,
as a sharp silver crescent became a sly smirk.
Then all of a sudden everything ended,
the machinery stopped, a cold hush descended.

The people looked up in shock and dismay;
the moon had now gone, the smirk wiped away.
The moon’s glistening beauty now belonged to a few,
buried in bank vaults, hidden from view.

Closing their doors on the darkest of nights,
the world turned away from the pitiful sight…
An ugly black hole, left in the place,
where once there had shone a handsome full face.

 

Picture of Boy with Bear

Where to Hoo3

 

Limerick #2

There was a carnivorous snail,
who went for a ride on a whale…
of it’s meat eating diet,
the snail had kept quiet,
now the humpback has holes in it’s tail.

 

Limerick #1

There was a young girl called Annetta,
who felt something move in her sweater.
It caused some alarm,
as it crawled down her arm…
then out of her sleeve popped a weta.

 

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